Thursday June 24, 2010:

Daily I read a devotion written by Mark Nepo, from his book The Book Of Awakening: Having the Life you Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. His words are honest and beautiful. Yesterday, the wisdom he shared confronted our human tendency to want attention instead of to give attention. Reading this in a culture void of individualization, it strikes me that this is universal. Kids here do not hear that they are special. They do not get attention at the level it is given in the United states. Yet, when there are muzungo’s around (ie. Caroline and I) it seems that their desire for attention drastically increases. The situation that creates for me here is multifold: the kids want attention often, and will do various often annoying and insignificant things in their attempts to get some. For some of them, when attention is not received, pouting and ignoring ensues. We have experienced this with both a 9 year old and a 24 year old. On our part, it is important to give an equal amount of attention to every boy, of which there are 23. We also strive to give attention when it is due, and not when it is begged for. All of this is juxtaposed against our pseudo fame for being white Americans. Everywhere we go people are staring. There gazes are often accompanied by shouts of “muzungo!” and sometimes “give me money.” While we are relatively used to this, it can sometimes be more than overwhelming. We are getting attention for something we cannot control. It is almost as though this is negative attention, along with the other attention we receive here, which always seems to be work, or be because someone else can’t believe that we are white. In fact, we try to hide so that we don’t have to get attention, but that rarely works. Fine. I don’t mind, but I can’t do it all the time. This is one of the reasons that I have found myself spending several hours every day in our room either reading, writing, drawing, or sleeping. For even when it seems like I am getting attention, Ultimately I am giving it, and in an effort to find peace, I must likewise give attention to myself.

In addition to myself and other people, my attention goes to things such as nature. Everywhere we go, there are so many plants and animals. In the village, there are cows and chickens and goats and babies running around everywhere. It has become normal, but I have an occasional moment during which I am grateful for their close presence, and sorrowful for their absence at home. Caro and I both love the goats, especially the baby ones, and we keep joking with Dama that we are keeping two in our room! Yesterday when Dama and I were running, we came upon two people herding a cow. In one brief moment, the cow found an opportunity to run away from the herders, who then tried to chase him, only allowing enough space for him to sprint backwards towards home. Dama said the cow was scared because he knew he was going to get turned into meat. I took that moment to be happy that I am not eating meat right now. likewise I notices thankfulness for the natural process of obtaining meat here, and devastation at the reality of the meat market back home. The run was good however!! We beat our time again by 7 minutes. It was a push though, and I was exhausted.

Also in reference to attention, it becomes quickly difficult to give attention when attention to my attention is fleeting. This happens at an increased level here due to the language and cultural barrier. Thus, I find it increasingly challenging to maintain my level of peaceful attention giving for long periods of time. This was particularly difficult this past Saturday, when we working with each of 4 group of boys for 1 1/2 hours each: 6 hours total. It was a long day to say the least, but I think all the boys enjoyed it. Which leads me to...

***Work Update***

Saturday was long, but productive. We worked with each group of boys for an hour and a half each. Each session began with some time for the boys to make up a song for their group. This was followed by the making of portfolios to house and protect their future work. They then decorated the portfolios in a way that represented their personalities. They had many materials available, including stuff to collage with. They all seemed to enjoy this greatly, and each meeting, time ran out. Because of this, that night we held and open work time, and many of the boys came back to work more. For 2 of the groups, we had a chance to talk about their work, but this remains challenging.

This weeks activities include a warm up which consists of each person making up a movement to express how they are feeling. We then put them all together and performed them to music, so that it became like a dance. Everyone really love it! Afterwards, we did some doodling exercises. These involved closing one’s eyes while scribbling mindlessly, then opening one’s eyes, identifying any objects, and highlighting them. They boys all had a great time scribbling which I thought was interesting, as it has seemed difficult for them to draw anything they did not already know how to draw. It was as if being able to scribble allowed them a sort of freedom. The process of gaining back control by highlighting identifiable objects, however, resulted in the identification of all the same simple shapes. Perhaps this is because of their minimal exposure to the media, and their resulting lack of exposure to things they could possible identify. Whatever is containing them in this box is certainly influencing the enjoyment and effectiveness of anything we do. It is exciting to see them get out of that box, and I look forward to challenging them more in that way soon. It does seem like some of them are maybe getting a little bit more comfortable with it, so that is good.

Sunday night, we had each group of boys perform their song for each other. It was wonderful to see them so excited and laughing all together! We finally learned what their songs were about, which absolutely surprised us. Their apparent love of rap music was not in anyway reflected in their lyrics. Examples:

-Boys of Fire: sang about how they love to dance, and then throw their hands up and praise the lord

-V.I.P. Boys: sang/rapped about how they were smart, and powerful, and loved God, and would do good things.

-Tough Gang: Theirs was the most ironic. They rapped about how they loved everyone, and if we didn’t believe them, just ask.

Since then, all the boys have been walking around singing each others songs. What a great ritual to bring them all together!

Caroline and I have also been interviewing the boys. We have now talked to 9 of them, and none of their stories are without pain. This is intense for us, and we have been talking about what we can do to process it all. So far, writing and drawing have been doing me good.

A note on eating:

I have noticed my tendency to write about food, do I will not leave you wondering... When we met the other muzungos, we discovered that avocados are sold daily at the school, and that they had been making guacamole! We are looking greatly forward to trying it ourselves. We have also experienced corn, which is in plenty during the current summer months. It is roasted over a fire, and then eaten, at which point it remains chewy. Apparently the corn here is different than at home. The other muzungos told us of their efforts to boil it, and their ultimate disappointment. So interesting! Yesterday, the younger boys all made fires and cooked corn on them. This only reassured us of the need for a fire safety lesson...It is odd that Dama etc. didn’t seemed concerned, but we did.

I have been thinking more about eating lately. I am reminded of a class I sat in on this past semester called “the art of being human.” At one point we discussed eating, and how it is an act of internalizing the external. In this way, eating here is a way of becoming Africa. Everything we eat is Africa, and when we eat it, it becomes a part of us. This understanding is reciprocally humbling and elevating. In a way, it is a bridge over the large ravine between our cultures.

Another experience of becoming Africa has been found with the traditional dance troupe that practices here every Saturday. Learning their songs and dances is an act of learning their culture. Becoming part of the larger group is become part of Africa in a way. This is what ritual does. While this is blatant due to its stereotypical reflection of Africa, Africa is becoming part of us every moment. Realizing this reminds me of my humanness, which re-directs me to reverence. This makes sense, as it is the ultimate formula for reverence according to Paul Woodruff, the author of a book called: Reverence, Renewing a Forgotten Virtue, that I have been reading. Thinking about reverence has opened my heart to many more opportunities to experience it. This in turn has facilitated overflowing gratitude. I am so thankful for the infinite reasons that have brought me to this place, and the infinite reasons that will come from it.

A particular moment of awe occurred this past Saturday. As we were watching the girls practice a dance, the wind picked up in just the right way to create a small tornado. It wasn’t just a little one that stayed on the ground. It was narrow, but strong, and maybe about 11 feet tall. It proceeded to dance among the dancers, touching no one, and returning to its source on the other side. Tornados are often feared, but there was nothing fearful about this tornado, which emphasized the awe which with I perceived it.

Something else I am in awe of is the amount of noise that these boys make! Sometimes I actually cannot believe how loud it is. They run around playing and yelling and crying and singing, loudly! It is wonderful noise of happiness, mostly, but it is loud, and leaves me with such great gratitude for ear plugs, which are necessary for sleep.

It seems like we have been sleeping a lot. We eat dinner late, usually between 8:30 and 9, after which we usually get right in bed. Sometimes reading occurs, but we are exhausted, and don’t stay up long. In the morning we try to get up at 8, which means we are getting around 10 hours of sleep. Somehow, we continue to find ourselves tired. Maybe this is because of our diet, and with that in mind, we have been trying harder to swallow any number of the 8 giant raw vegetable pills we are supposed to take each day. They smell and taste like rabbit food, and are difficult to swallow, but perhaps they will help...we will see...today I took all 8!