Rwanda re-visited: remembering home away from home

We’re here, finally...!

The trip was long, very long. It took three days to be exact, for us to reach Umuryango, located in the small town of Biyamana, Rwanda, which is an hour outside the capital of Kigali. There have been many opportunities for practicing patience; in other words, frustrations. Once our delayed flight from Kenya finally landed in Rwanda, and we figured out how to contact JP, our ride, we learned that we would be staying in Kigali, the capital for the night. We proceeded to sleep, a lot, and the next day we finally headed to Umuryango in Biyamana. That journey was of course not void of interruption. We stopped to buy a mosquito net and groceries, then to eat lunch, and then 20 feet from Umuryango for JP to talk to a friend. At that point, we could see the boys, and we couldn’t stand it any longer, so we just got out of the car!

The ride from Kigali to Gitarama, which is the city nearest Biyamana, is about an hour and a half through rolling green hills. Caroline and I both fell asleep, and when I woke up we were in Gitarama. It has changed a lot! When I say changed, what I mean is grown. There are more buildings being used, and some of the road work has been updated. There is even a new round-about! As soon as I awoke, I felt like I was home. Last year when we were here, I wrote a blog entry about finding home. It was about that moment when something shifts, and you feel that comfort that accompanies home. Last time, it took a few weeks to find that feeling on the dusty roads through town, but this time, that moment was instant. Seeing the many distinctly Rwandan people dressed in their beautiful fabrics walking in the streets, carrying things on their heads left me feeling so, normal. I try to live life fully in each moment, so I hadn’t thought much previously about arriving. Then it happened, and it was very exciting. The familiarity washed over me in a calmness that soothed my travel weary bones and energized my passions for coming back.

Seeing the boys only enhanced this. The older boys knew we were coming, but the younger ones did not. As we sat in the stopped car waiting for JP to finish talking, we glimpsed Siliac, one of the smaller, and cuter boys, straight ahead. It took him a moment, but once he realized who was in the car, he charged towards it. It was at this point that we abandoned patience and jumped out into hugs from Rwandan arms, small and large alike. Moraho! We exclaimed, meaning “it is good to see you, after so long!” Even the neighbors were happy we were there. It wasn’t long before kids were climbing all over me, which was quite overwhelming on such a low tank of sleep. Somehow I managed to escape, and then I saw Hadija. Hadija is the house mom. Here everyone calls her “mamma doe” (spelled phonetically of course). Though we did not get to know her on a deep personal level during out last stay, she took care of us, and we bonded with her as one does to a surrogate mother. As I have been a daughter in this world without a living mother for some time now, any experience of being cared for by any form of a mother is profound. I believe that my experience of losing my mother at a young age, has allowed me repeatedly, though only after much inner work and grief, to be especially receptive to the particularity of mother love. This being said, it was joyus, to say the least, when we greeted Hadija. She was so excited, yelling “carolina, meghaney!” Later she called us her girls as she proudly showed us our room, fitted with bunk beds, a small table, and a large comfortable chair we now refer to as our throne. These are gifts of abundance, and we are very grateful for them.

We did move the furniture around, in order to organize our room into small sections we like to call rooms. We have closets, and a bathroom, and a kitchen, and a library! It is like being a kid again, and playing house, which takes me back to many favorite memories of growing up with a wild imagination and a spectacular sister.

Once we moved everything around, even the bunk beds, we had to hang up the mosquito net. It took a day and a half to acquire a hammer, but we finally did, and now, our mosquito net hangs over the “double decker,” as they call it here. We hung my small buddhist prayer flags from the top bunk, which adds more color to the already bright teal room, complete with a red curtain.

I speak of wonderful reunions, but have yet to mention one of the most special. Damascene is our best friend here. He is about 23 years old, and part of the founding family of Umuryango. Once he was a boy here, but now he is in charge. He speaks the most english of anyone, except JP, so when we come, he is by our side often. He walks with us to the store, goes with us to the city, and takes us on adventures. He is super silly, and his big, goofy, beautiful grin is impossible to resist with seriousness. It did not take long for us to find that nook of silliness, and to feel that soft space of good friendship. Later today, he will take us on a walk to the “small lake.” This is an adventure we didn’t manage to get to on our last trip, and so he is eager for us to go as soon as possible. I am quite looking forward to it!

Another wonderful character that has graced our experience is Pascalina. She is the cousin of Dama, and speaks english very well. She lives in Butare, which is about an hour and ten minutes away from Biyamana in the opposite direction of Kigali. There she works in the hospital. Her brother is Gatera, who is likewise a friend from our previous trip. Gatera lives in Kigali where he is in university, and so we have not seen him yet. Earlier this year though, he invited us to attend his sister, pascalina’s wedding. Luckily, we will be here for the third and final ceremony of her wedding. In Rwanda, there are three event thats comprise a wedding: the traditional wedding, the civil wedding, and the church wedding. Earlier today Pascalina showed us pictures of her civil and traditional weddings. Everything was so elaborate and beautiful. I asked if the details had meaning, and she said yes, but the conversation did not go further. Weddings have been a prevalent theme to this trip so far, as Genereuse, JP’s wife, showed us pictures from their recent wedding as well. This is interesting in perspective of my goal to learn about Rwandan ritual during my time here. It is especially interesting that it is the ritual of getting married that has presented itself so prevalently, as I was intending to learn about rituals of healing. Marriage is certainly a ritual of healing, as it is a union, a making whole, which is the foundation of the word health. It is not, however, the healing I had in mind. Who knows where this insight will lead, but I am excited to be a part of Pascalina’s wedding none-the-less. We get to wear traditional clothing, which is something I have wanted to do for a long time. Earlier today, Caroline and I were discussing how we are part Rwandan, in our hearts at least.

Our work with the boys is starting slowly. We have yet to procure a translator, but we hope to get that situated by today or tomorrow. Up to now, we have been busy planning, and are anxious to start the work. Until then, we are enjoying spending time playing and getting to know the boys, and are happy and healthy in our teal Rwandan palace!

Recipe for taking a shower: 30 steps to getting clean in Rwanda

Ingredients:

-one large shallow brightly colored plastic basin (but any bucket will do)

-one washcloth

-one cup (or in our case, the bottom of a large water bottle cut in half)

-bar of soap

-shampoo

-conditioner (optional, though suggested for long locks)

-a large towel, or 3 small ones

-flip-flops

-enough clothes so as to appear appropriate when walking in front of 30 young staring boys

1. Alert house mom to your desire to shower...tomorrow

2. Once it is tomorrow, remind her you want a shower, a warm one

3. Tell Damascene

4. When it is nearing the time you told her you want to shower, remind her

5. Remind Damascene

6. Gather your towel, clothes, and flip-flops, placing towel carefully on ledge in shower

7. Once water is hot, pour into plastic basin (this may be done for you)

8. Place basin on floor of tiny shower in a closet

9. Fill up the jug that used to hold oil with cold water

10. Pour the entirety of the jug into the basin

11. Mix water until homogenous

12. Get undressed, carefully placing clothes on ledge with other toiletries

13. Use cup (or plastic bottle in our case) to get your hair wet. Use minimal water

-you may do this with your head upside down, or standing up with your head leaning back

14. Use a lot of shampoo to make sure you hair is thoroughly soapy

15. Use cup to rinse hair. Try to get all the soap out, but expect some to remain

16. Repeat steps 14 and 15 with conditioner if preferred

17. Clump washcloth into a ball and Submerge in water

18. Squeeze water from cloth onto body, repeating, yet using as little water as possible, to ensure you are fully wet

19. Fill the cup with a tiny bit of water

20. Use the water in the cup to get the bar of soap wet

21. Lather body fully

22. Repeat steps 17 and 18 to rinse the soap off

23. Fill the cup with water and pour from it to rinse important or especially soapy places

24. Hang up the washcloth

25. Dry off

26. Dress appropriately

27. Return basin and jug to house mother to be put away or filled for next person

28. Return to your room and get fully dressed

29. Brush your hair

30. Say thank you a million times for having warm water!